What Am I Doing Without You
by SereneCalamity
Summary: A long time ago, Jace had broken up with Clary. He had regretted it ever since. Clace. Oneshot.


**This was a prompt from _Reppinda5o3_ , using lyrics from the song _Time Stands Still_ by DJ Quik. Hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or the title.**

Twelve years ago, Jace Herondale had been nineteen years old and he hadn't known what he had wanted—or at least, he didn't know where he wanted to end up. He knew that he wanted to travel the world, and he knew that he wanted to study and he knew that he wanted to follow in his fathers footsteps in becoming CEO of the exclusive hotels and resorts that were some of the number one getaway spots in the world.

And he thought that having a girlfriend would hold him back, so even though he was pretty sure he was in love with Clarissa Morgenstern, he had broken up with her.

He and Clary had been friends for a long time, Clary's father was Stephen Herondale's lawyer and had been since they were kids, so they had always been in each others lives. Even after they had broken up, they were still around each other a lot, and Jace was glad that they still had a good relationship. Things were a little bit awkward to begin with, but Clary had told him that she had understood, that she knew that he wanted to do his own thing, and so she had gone her own way.

They kept in touch, mostly, and Jace heard things about Clary from their mutual friends and then definitely from his mother, Celine Herondale, who had always wanted the two of them to stay together.

She graduated the second in her class in high school.

She went on to the University of California to study architecture.

She also went to Greece with Isabelle Lightwood between her first and second year.

She met a guy named Raphael Santiago when they stopped over in France and apparently they had a long distance thing going for a while.

Jace met up with her again for a New Years party, when he was twenty two and she was just about twenty one. There were eight of them that all went to Chicago, the old 'squad', as Isabelle called it. It was him, Clary, Isabelle, Alexander Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane, Maia Roberts and Jonathan Morgenstern, Clary's older brother. Jace didn't remember much about that night, other than the fact that Clary had looked beautiful in the black jumpsuit thing she was wearing and she smelt just as good as she used to, and then he had tried kissing her. He didn't remember what happened after, but he woke up alone, so he knew that things really hadn't gone in the direction that he had hoped for.

She interned at some big architecture firm in Boston.

She graduated and Jonathan and Isabelle were at the graduation with her parents and they screamed and cheered as she walked across the stage.

She worked hard and she was incredible at what she did.

She moved her way up the firm.

They passed by each other on Christmas' and birthdays and in the holidays. Jace almost always had a new girlfriend, no one serious but always fun, and sometimes Clary had a boyfriend there, but not always. The longer they were apart, the more valuable Jace found the time when they were together. The friendship was still there, and it was strong, but they were both so busy that it was hard to keep in touch, so when they saw each other, they made the most of it.

And then, at Jace's thirtieth birthday dinner with his family, he found out that Clary was pregnant.

Apparently it was being kept on the down low at the moment, and not many people knew, which would be why Isabelle told him with her voice lowered, so neither of their parents could hear. Clary hadn't even told her own mother yet.

Jace couldn't explain the twisting in his chest, or the fact that he couldn't eat anymore of the dinner that his mother had been slaving over all day. Isabelle gave him weird looks from across the table, but she didn't pull him up on it, and his parents were swept up in the conversation with Robert and Maryse Lightwood, so they didn't pay him much attention.

He excused himself early and caught a cab back to the hotel he was staying in, one of families hotels.

Clary didn't have any information about being in a relationship on her Facebook.

There really wasn't much information on there at _all,_ actually.

They had seen each other about seven months ago, for Jonathan's birthday, and she had been happy to see everyone again, although she had looked tired. It was one of those times that Jace hadn't brought the latest girlfriend too, Kaelie Whitewillow required a lot of attention and Jace knew that he wanted to be able to focus on Clary, and so he had been able to talk to her for quite a while. They talked about their jobs, Jace telling him that he was now based in Seattle and had a home there, Clary talking about a new project she was working on. Then they started talking about high school and things that they had done together, and Clary had gotten a sad look on her face.

Jace had held her hand and he had wanted to apologize, because he was pretty sure that _he_ was the reason for the sad look, but he hadn't, because it was so long ago, and if he was wrong, he didn't want to bring it up. Clary had gripped his hand tightly and they had switched up the conversation, talking about Alec and Magnus' engagement and their massive _lack_ of surprise about the fact that Isabelle and Simon had finally gotten together.

Jace missed her.

And he told her that, when he was leaving.

Clary got that sad look on her face again and had shrugged a shoulder, leaning forward to give him a tight hug.

He knew that he had broken up with her at a time when they were both young and they were both trying to figure themselves out. In the long run, Jace wanted to tell himself that it was the best thing for both of them, because she had gone away to study and she had travelled and she now had this great job, and _he_ had gone away to study and _he_ had traveled and _he_ had a great job—although he would have had that job anyway.

But the thing was...He couldn't tell himself that truthfully.

Because even after all these years had passed, and even after everything that he had been through, his feelings for Clary were still there. Sometimes they faded and sometimes they weren't at the front of his mind, but then they would come back, like a wave crashing over him, and Jace _knew_ that they weren't going to go away.

And now she was pregnant.

He wanted to ring her and talk to her about it.

He wanted to congratulate her?

He wanted to make sure she was _happy_.

Mainly, he wanted to make sure she was okay.

He didn't. He respected the fact that she hadn't told him yet, and waited to find out from her.

But it didn't happen.

Valentine Morgenstern mentioned to Stephen and Celine at business dinner that Jocelyn Morgenstern had flown out to Boston to be with her in the last few weeks of her pregnancy and while she gave birth. Celine passed this information onto Jace when she was talking to him in their ritual, twice weekly phone calls. Jocelyn and Valentine had divorced a long time ago, and Jocelyn and Clary were closer than Valentine, but from what Celine was saying to Jace, it sounded as though Valentine had been in close contact with Clary recently, and was worried about his daughter.

Which made _Jace_ worry.

He still wanted to ring her, but he didn't. It had been nearly a year since they had seen each other at this point, and other than a couple of Facebook messages and texts, they hadn't talked since then.

So Jace rang Jonathan.

And he felt physically ill when Jonathan told him that the father of her child was her _boss_.

Her _married_ boss.

But she still hadn't told him anything about her situation, so he didn't ring her.

The baby was born, and Isabelle had gone out to see her and had sent him photos. Nothing had gone up on Facebook, there was still no mention, so Jace was guessing this wasn't something that she wanted to tell the world, which he could understand.

It was a baby boy, and he was born at two thirty on the morning of Sunday the fourteenth of October at five pounds six ounces. She named him Jamie, and from what Jace heard, it was Jamie Morgenstern, no mention of the fathers name.

At that point, Jace decided to ring her.

She cried.

She cried almost the whole phone call. Jace didn't understand _why_ she kept crying, but she blubbed a couple of times that she was tired and had barely slept in the past month, so he was guessing that had a lot to do with it. She talked about Jamie, but then she wanted to talk about his work, wanted to know all about what he did, saying that it had been a long time since she had been able to talk about anything other than the baby. They ended up having to cut their conversation off when there was loud cries coming from somewhere close by, but when he pulled the phone away, he saw that they had talked for nearly an hour.

And then Jace swore to stay in contact.

He rang her every week, and he emailed her almost everyday. She would send him pictures of Jamie and sometimes she was in the photo, although not very often. Some of their conversations were only a few minutes long, because she was tired and had to tend to Jamie, or she was trying to get caught up with work since she was going back in a few short weeks time.

Jamie was beautiful.

His hair was sandy and his eyelashes were so long and dark and his eyes were bright blue. Clary said that generally they were born with blue eyes and they would change in the months to follow.

She hoped that he had green eyes, like her family, and not dark brown. Jace guessed from that, the fathers eyes were brown.

When Clary went back to work, things weren't good.

She didn't blatantly say that to Jace, but he could tell from the way she talked.

Their conversations were still weekly, but she didn't sound happy most of the time.

Jamie was was at a daycare just down the road from her firm, and when they talked about him was the only time that Clary sounded happy. He was enjoying daycare and he was getting so big, and Jace was still getting daily photos of him. Jace had even got one printed and kept it in his wallet.

He had never met the little guy, but Jace was in love.

Completely head over heels in love.

Well, he had _already_ been in love, but now he was in love with someone else, and in an entirely different way.

And then one week, she didn't answer his call. Sometimes she didn't answer his phone call, but she would get back to him reasonably quickly, send him text to organised another time for him to call and talk. But the day passed and he didn't heard anything. The next day past, and he didn't get an email from her with a photo or a text.

Then he was heading home from work, three days after he had tried to call her, when his phone started ringing and her name flashed on the screen with an old photo of the pair of them that he had allocated to her contact name.

"Clary?" Jace answered, trying to keep the eagerness—and worry—out of his voice.

"Jace?" Clary sounded nervous—and her end of the phone was loud and busy, as though she was surrounded by a crowd of people. "I'm at the airport."

"Which one?" Jace asked.

"Sea-Tac," she replied, the nervousness so clear in her words.

"Seattle? You're _here_?" Jace blinked in surprise.

"Me and Jamie are here...Could you come and get us?" Clary asked.

Jace was already turning his car around. He managed to get there within ten minutes, but then it took him another fifteen minutes to find a car park at this busy hour. He ran inside, not caring that he was cutting people off as he pushed past them to get to the arrivals area, where Clary had said that she would be waiting for him. His eyes whipped around, passing over groups of people and annoyed businessmen before he found her.

Clary was wearing an oversized olive green hoodie and a pair of jeans that had rips in the knee and stains, and then in her arms, there was a gorgeous bundle of yellow and blue.

 _Jamie_.

Wrapped up in a little hoodie and sweatpants with a scarf around his neck and a little hat on top with a bobble.

Jace didn't hesitate as he wrapped them both in his arms, one arm tight around Clary's back and the other more gently around Jamie.

Jamie pulled on his tie, wrapping it in his tiny fist.

Clary cried into his shoulder.

She had quit her job.

The father, Sebastian Verlac, was making everything as difficult as possible for her, and the hours that she had once done just didn't fit with the life that she had now.

She told him that night, after Jamie was set up in a cot that Jace had rushed out and brought and then spent nearly two hours setting up that night, that she had been drunk when she had slept Sebastian, her boss. She said that he had been flirting with her since she had started there, and she had just given in one night. He _was_ married, although they were separated and he didn't wear his wedding ring, however once he found out that she was pregnant, he had made it very clear that he was not ready to be a father, and a few weeks later, he was back with his wife.

Clary had considered other options, but in the end, she had decided that she was keeping her baby.

Jace hadn't kissed her, even though he wanted to.

That would have been completely unfair of him to do right now, with the state she was in.

He had held her hand, and wrapped an arm around her until she had fallen asleep, legs curled up under her on the couch in his lounge.

And that brought them to where they were now.

Twelve years later, and living together under the same roof.

With a baby.

It was months before they had kissed, and Jace hadn't been the one to initiate it.

They had been out late for dinner—Isabelle and Simon were staying in town and had insisted on babysitting for them to get the night off. Clary had had a few wines, since Jamie was now mainly drinking from the bottle and she had milk expressed at home, and she had insisted that they go for a walk by the water front.

She had kissed him when they got back to the house, before they had gone inside, surprising him so much he had barely had time to respond before she was pulling back with a smile.

He had been steadfast in giving her space, not wanting to rush her or push her into feeling uncomfortable. Jamie was _both_ of their first priority, which meant that he was the one who they were focused on most of the time. Jace would still go to work everyday through the week, like he always had, but he came home and the house was warm and happy and noisy. Clary cooked most of the nights through the week and he cooked in the weekends. Jamie slept in the bedroom next to Clary's, but there were nights when Jace would stay up late working, and he would take the monitor from Clary's room and go in to check on Jamie when he began fussing.

He didn't think it was possible to love someone so much, but the way he felt when Jamie was gnawing on his finger and pulling on his hair made his heart feel as though it was going to burst out of his chest.

And when he came home and saw Clary laying on the carpet in front of his expensive TV, Jamie on her stomach and giggling as she tickled his sides gently, he knew that this was what he had always wanted.

For the first time, he thought what he had done when he was eighteen was for the best.

Maybe it hadn't been easy, but there was a chance that if they had stayed together when they were younger, they wouldn't have been together.

And if they had stayed together when they were younger, they wouldn't have Jamie.

So now, spending his Sundays mornings with Clary's head on his lap as she flipped through a magazine and he watched a move on the TV, and Jamie was playing on the carpet in front of them, now sitting on his own and with a single tooth sticking through his gums, he was the happiest he was pretty sure he ever could be.

And he wouldn't change a thing.

 **Let me know what you think x**


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